Models: Xandra and Coco

Stylist: Christine Ramirez

This was actually the first photo shoot I had with someone - I didn't want to call this a project because it was honestly quite sudden. We didn't prepare or plan anything, all we had was our camera and a jacket. Plus our main muse backed out on the day itself, so I'm pretty thankful for Bona for being game to model for us last minute. It was surprisingly fun - and I'm hoping that this will be the first of many shoots to come.

So for the past two months, I've been interning under Eden & June as their Communications Manager. I remember the day I had dinner with their founder and creative director, Chiara Garcia - it was around November last year. She was just talking about an idea that has been blooming in her heart for months, and our friend encouraged her to plant her thoughts into the ground and make it happen. 

And here we are, two or three months down the road, and it's been giving and receiving so much love. I feel thankful for being a part of their growth. 

These are screenshots of my short film, Black Sheep. 

* * *

It's been months since the official end of our thesis. Currently, I'm anticipating my long-awaited graduation, but I'm paralyzed in a state of ambivalence at that thought. I have reached both failure and triumph in my clumsy pursuit, and I try to focus on positivity and believe that balance is the secret to living a good life. This short film is the birth of my image a few months back, a captured moment of how I once was - a bungling mess of awkwardness and laziness, with a few misplaced passion stitched across my fingers; I was teetering over the edge of mediocrity and talent. 'Potential' was... is the key word, and it's simply a gentle, deceiving kiss that hides the words, "You're not enough,". But that's okay - I knew that I wasn't mature enough as a film-maker to pull off big stories like this. I also knew that I didn't do my best - if only I worked harder, planned more ahead. No, that all wouldn't compare to the biggest regret I had; if only I wrote simply and true, something that reflected the story within me that's been yearning to burst out. Perhaps the biggest mistake I had was forgetting to write with authenticity. Again, that's okay. I may have lost that, but I have gained so much more - and that's knowledge. At the end of the day, I deeply understood the succinct beauty (and necessity) of collaborative work. One wouldn't survive without the other, and in the past few months of production with my amazing team, I knew that this film couldn't be mine alone. Everything about this is theirs - all my serendipitous efforts and patience stemmed from seeing their  unified determination to help me with my short film. It was a responsibility they weren't obliged to accept, and yet they did.

It was also an amazing experience to actually meet professionals - from seasoned cinematographers to experienced actors/actresses, I felt like I had them all. And all that weight amplified the pressure I felt - but I'm proud of myself for surviving, and even more at the fact that I realized that directing has revealed itself into my mind as a reachable dream. And because of that, from the bottom of my heart, I write these words with raw authenticity: thank you. 

Note: Cinematography/Style was inspired from the series, Mr. Robot.