Black Sheep

10:06 PM

These are screenshots of my short film, Black Sheep. 

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It's been months since the official end of our thesis. Currently, I'm anticipating my long-awaited graduation, but I'm paralyzed in a state of ambivalence at that thought. I have reached both failure and triumph in my clumsy pursuit, and I try to focus on positivity and believe that balance is the secret to living a good life. This short film is the birth of my image a few months back, a captured moment of how I once was - a bungling mess of awkwardness and laziness, with a few misplaced passion stitched across my fingers; I was teetering over the edge of mediocrity and talent. 'Potential' was... is the key word, and it's simply a gentle, deceiving kiss that hides the words, "You're not enough,". But that's okay - I knew that I wasn't mature enough as a film-maker to pull off big stories like this. I also knew that I didn't do my best - if only I worked harder, planned more ahead. No, that all wouldn't compare to the biggest regret I had; if only I wrote simply and true, something that reflected the story within me that's been yearning to burst out. Perhaps the biggest mistake I had was forgetting to write with authenticity. Again, that's okay. I may have lost that, but I have gained so much more - and that's knowledge. At the end of the day, I deeply understood the succinct beauty (and necessity) of collaborative work. One wouldn't survive without the other, and in the past few months of production with my amazing team, I knew that this film couldn't be mine alone. Everything about this is theirs - all my serendipitous efforts and patience stemmed from seeing their  unified determination to help me with my short film. It was a responsibility they weren't obliged to accept, and yet they did.

It was also an amazing experience to actually meet professionals - from seasoned cinematographers to experienced actors/actresses, I felt like I had them all. And all that weight amplified the pressure I felt - but I'm proud of myself for surviving, and even more at the fact that I realized that directing has revealed itself into my mind as a reachable dream. And because of that, from the bottom of my heart, I write these words with raw authenticity: thank you. 

Note: Cinematography/Style was inspired from the series, Mr. Robot.

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